WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
