I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
