and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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