He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
