So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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