Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Nicole vs. Life
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
