Only a mothe r could love this liver
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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