Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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