; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
