Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize