I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
