"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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