Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
