If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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