Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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