im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
