I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
