she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
