you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
