if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
