ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Panties = found
Randomize