please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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