Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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