My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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