I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
