Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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