did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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