you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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