Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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