also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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