Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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