I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
