omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
