This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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