Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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