im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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