She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize