I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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