I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
