Can Purell be used as lube?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Terrible idea I love it
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
