a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
