Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
