I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
