Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
