I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
