Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
