Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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