I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
