So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
