Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what day is it and did you see me today?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
