dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
