Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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