I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
