Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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