Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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