Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
