handjob tips. give me some.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
