but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
