So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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