You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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