the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize