Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
