Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize