so that wasnt chicken after all
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm at about main and main street
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
