I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
