I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
