My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
