If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
