whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
