How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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