So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
