I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
