never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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