Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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