please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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