I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
