I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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