Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
