I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
