well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
