I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
