Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
