Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
