Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize