Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
