fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel great
I just peed on a car
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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