Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have fence marks all over my body
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
