Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
