I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize