oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
